You can't miss him. Elmer Fudd is all over the place and though you can escape him for periods of time, eventually you'll have to deal with him again. They're all around us, destroying the quality of life for the rest of us.

You know who Elmer is:

• He's the gun nut clown that you find hiding in the bush next to the canyon highway holding a high powered rifle in one hand and a carton of beer in the other, waiting for Bambi to come walking down the highway, pretending he's hunting.

• And even if Elmer does manage to shoot a deer without winding up shooting at rocks out of boredom, himself, other Elmers, hikers, bikers, and campers, even if Elmer does manage to kill something other than some kid hiking, Elmer's the gun nut who proudly proclaims he's "putting meat on the kitchen table" -- while endangering everyone and everything around him within a two mile radius.

• He's the gun nut extremist that you find damn near everywhere ahose average IQ ranks somewhere around 70 or 80 who thinks -- often loudly -- that he's some kind of Hero who's going to save America from the government once "The Nigger" or "The Jew" makes "his move" so of course he needs all of his guns: he's an American Hero, not a gun nut extremist kook.

• He's the moron driving an H2 "Hummer" up and down the hills at the head of long lines of cars, getting 10 miles to the gallon while the snow tires he's got on his surrogate penis are screaming in bloody torture against the pavement.

  

• He thinks driving pickup trucks and SUVs ensures that other Elmers won't call him a queer -- even if Elmer normally wears his wife's pink underwear (while his wife wears bruises.) Driving pickups and SUVs, Elmer thinks, ensures that everyone will know he's a "real man" whose manly sexuality isn't possible to question.

• He's the filthy pig who drives to a camp site or scenic overlook, dumps his trash -- often while it's on fire -- onto the ground, spray paints the place, and thinks all the women (or the men) in the place want to have sex with him -- while his pickup's radio is on full volume.

• He's the frocking idiot that's parked slant ways into two or more parking spots thinking he's manly and cool, thinking everyone will see his pickup parked like that and will want to have sex with him because only a real man can park like that. He's some how special, a manly man above the rest.

• He's the guy who secretly (or not so secretly) hates women, fears his own sex organs, believes everything he sees on television advertising (mostly about pickups, SUVs, beer, and "natual male enhancement vitamins") and thinks he's charming the pants off his co-workers (men and women) when in fact they're all wondering if they should file sexual harassment charges against him.

  

• He's the clown driving his pickup in the desert or across streams and rivers, crushing everything he can safely and without effort reach, thinking that destroying the environment proves he's finally a real man (more so when his radio is on full volume so he can't hear Mother Nature outside his windows.)

• He's a Republican. Worse, he's a George W. Bush Republican who thinks it's okay to slaughter brown-skinned children who worship the "wrong" god if you pretend you're "bringing freedom" to the countries that Bush is invading and committing endless war crime atrocities in.

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