Republican Stew (approximately two to four servings)

Note: This meal may be too sour for most people's taste. Republican meat is usually rancid and bitter however when properly prepared, Republicans can be turned into a tasty meal you'll want to serve to your family every day.

1 Fresh Republican
4 Ounce Onions
3 Bay Leaves
4 Ounce fresh peas
6 Ounce tomatoes
2 Tablespoons Extra Virgin olive oil
1 Clove fresh garlic
4 Ounce potatoes
4 Ounce fresh carrots
1 Glass of red wine
2 Glasses of water
Salt and pepper to taste

Acquire a fresh Republican from any street corner that has a stoplight. (Drag the meat out of its SUV and choke it until it stops struggling. (After removing the anus, you may find you have nothing left. If this is the case, find another Republican in a smaller SUV and try again -- the smaller the SUV, the smaller the asshole.)

Cut the Republican into pieces approximately one inch to 1.5 inch cubes, discarding the entrails and other useless parts (such as the stringy, atrophied brain, if you can find it) and fry lightly in a small amount of olive oil or butter until all sides are browned (use a medium heat to avoid burning the olive oil.)

In a separate saucepan fry the chopped onions and garlic until heavily browned. After the onions and garlic have been browned, stir in the chopped tomatoes and bay leaves and then cover and remove from heat.

Add the water to the pan of browned Republican, and let simmer for approximately 15 minutes, then pour in the glass of red wine, add the peas, chopped carrots, chopped potatoes, salt and pepper, then cook on a low flame for approximately one hour, stirring occasionally.

Add the onion, garlic, and tomato mixture to the Republican and then serve with crackers or French bread.

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