Date: Sat, 04 Dec 2004 19:15:34 -0500
From: "Rv. Kenny Whetstone MR/N" <r3v3r3nd_wh3t5t0n3@yahoo.comREMOVE>
Organization: Solar Ministries
To: feedback@elmerfudd.usREMOVE
Subject: HEWLP I'M SOOWOUNDED!

Greetings, Kenny!

> What the Hell am I supposed to do!

Panic, Ken... Simply panic. Working yourself up into a really dizzy screaming fit is one of the best ways we here at the Stop Elmer Fudd web site know of to get exercise and to (eventually) fall into a nice, calm, dazed stupor from within which the rest of the world kind of disappears for a while.

Try it!

> I need help! I live in Georgia...

Ah, I think that's your problem right there, Reverend Kenny. You live in Georgia. How stupid is that?

One of the things we here at the Stop Elmer Fudd web site excell at is offering our visitors who write to us useful and valuable suggestions and information that our visitors might not think of or know about on their own.

Pay attention, Reverend, because this is really important. Ready? Okay, here goes. Ponder this revelation slowly; commit it to memory; really get down with the solution we're about to impart and you'll find the solution to your problem immediately. Ready?

<ahem>

Drop whatever the frock you're doing right now -- get up from your chair if you're sitting at your computer -- and grab your car keys, grab some shirts, some of those amusing fuzzy purple underwear you like to wear, and head for the door.

No, no... Don't stop for the wife and kids, Ken, just gather a few of your material possessions and march straight for the door. If anybody tries to get in your way or stop you, well, while we here at the Stop Elmer Fudd web site can't suggest outright murder, we can strongly suggest you not be sidetracked from your mission.

Now, when you get to the door, open it and jog -- leaving the door open; you've no time to close it -- and jog to your car. Get in that mother fucker and drive -- drive just as fast as you can -- drive the HELL out of frocking Georgia, man!

Okay? Good man, Ken. Go. Go now.

> I'm fucking surrounded by Elmers!

Ah, man, see we all are. We suggest you drive North into Canada -- take you about three days if you drive carefully -- and request political asylum from the Elmers infesting America. The Canadian authorities will, we believe, take pity on you and grant you immediate residency and medical benefits.

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