How does Elmer Fudd invest the money his wife works two jobs for while
he sits at home drinking beer and masturbating while holding his firearm?
- Commemorative plates. Not only is there no such thing as having too
many commemorative plates with photographs of Oliver North and Ronald
Reagon on them, Elmer also believes that they're a good investment because
everybody loves them and if he's ever in need of quick cash,
he can drive his pickup truck to the corner with his plates and within an
hour -- hour and a half at most -- he'll turn those valuable plates into
quick cash, getting more than he originally paid for them because they've
increased in value.
- Lottery tickets. It takes patience and hard work, of course, but
every other month or so after purchasing five or more lottery tickets a
week, the lottery always pays off eventually. Why, some times the
lottery pays off ten bucks! And five dollar wins every two months or
so means handing over $120 during that time period means Elmer has won!
- Firearms. Can't have too many firearms. Some day -- when the
government has to be saved from Mexicans, the Jew, Commies, or niggers --
all them guns are going to pay for themselves. Besides, it feels good
to stroke them and dream about rugged white men rubbing themselves.
- Snow tires for his pickup. One inadequately explored arena of Elmer
behavior is his fondness for snow tires. He'll put them on his pickup,
on his SUV, or on his "Hummer" regardless of where he lives,
regardless of what the season is or what the weather is. Observation of
the phenomena suggests that it's the noise his snow tires make as they're
tortured on the highway that sexually stimulates Elmers, making them
believe the noise proves them to be "real men."
If you look at Elmer Fudd's leader -- George W. Bush -- you get some idea
as to the financial acumen of the average Elmer. They'll think nothing of
racking up unbelievable debt provided someone else has to pay for it --
usually their wives.
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